I am fifteen years old and have never made out with anyone. Now, I know there are people out there older than me who have never even been kissed yet. But that's a different story. It's not that I don't have the chance to get intimate with anyone, it's that I can't. Just the thought makes me insanely nervous.

The other day I was at a friend's house with a group of people--one of which was my boyfriend. Him and I were inside, cuddled on the couch together watching TV while everyone else was outside talking and laughing and joking and such. Anyway, I don't remember how it happened, but suddenly I was outside with the group and they were asking me what we were doing in there. I replied cuddling.

My best friend told me to make out with him, and my stomach twisted at the idea. She then proceeded to make a joke about how I should just walk inside, grab my boyfriend's hand, drag him to her room and tell him to pull down his pants. She was half-serious. Again, another nervous twist in my stomach.

One of the other girls in the group asked how long we'd been going out. I told her about a month and a half. She looked completely shocked when she asked, "And you haven't even made out with him yet?" I hadn't realized it was so surprising, but once I thought about it I realized it was indeed a little ridiculous. This girl and my best friend went inside to instead urge him to make a move.

When I went back inside, just me and him again, I sat down next to him. He gave me a sort of sly look and then asked me if they'd talked to me about the same thing. I nodded. My hands were sweating, my mind was going crazy with thoughts, and my guts were so twisted I could hardly feel them anymore. He asked me what I thought and I told him I was just really nervous. He pulled me on top of him and, dodging a kiss, I laid my head on his stomach. He started pressuring me a little, and I sat back up and just told him no. He didn't let go of my hand.

Now, before you start thinking this is some sort of rape story, it isn't. Nothing happened. He knows I have absolutely no experience in doing anything of sexual nature, and I reminded him of that fact. I also threw in that I was worried about doing something wrong and embarrassing myself. He was silent for a minute, but did indeed stop pressuring me and the subject changed to something a bit more serious. But that's for another entry.

Anyway, the point of this story is my problem with... err, getting physical. Even kissing someone, just on the lips, makes me so nervous that I feel like throwing up. I've only ever kissed one person--the same guy in this story--and that was, what, five or six times? It never got any easier. Somehow I managed to doge kissing him for months.

I feel like I'm going to be alone forever unless I can get over this. I mean, seriously, I'm not going to get married and remain a virgin even after! Please tell me I'm not the only one suffering from this insane nervousness. Is there anyone who had the same problem when they were my age, and got over it? Or does it never go away and I'm just doomed to live the life of the crazy cat lady?