I am fifteen years old and have never made out with anyone. Now, I know there are people out there older than me who have never even been kissed yet. But that's a different story. It's not that I don't have the chance to get intimate with anyone, it's that I can't. Just the thought makes me insanely nervous.
The other day I was at a friend's house with a group of people--one of which was my boyfriend. Him and I were inside, cuddled on the couch together watching TV while everyone else was outside talking and laughing and joking and such. Anyway, I don't remember how it happened, but suddenly I was outside with the group and they were asking me what we were doing in there. I replied cuddling.
My best friend told me to make out with him, and my stomach twisted at the idea. She then proceeded to make a joke about how I should just walk inside, grab my boyfriend's hand, drag him to her room and tell him to pull down his pants. She was half-serious. Again, another nervous twist in my stomach.
One of the other girls in the group asked how long we'd been going out. I told her about a month and a half. She looked completely shocked when she asked, "And you haven't even made out with him yet?" I hadn't realized it was so surprising, but once I thought about it I realized it was indeed a little ridiculous. This girl and my best friend went inside to instead urge him to make a move.
When I went back inside, just me and him again, I sat down next to him. He gave me a sort of sly look and then asked me if they'd talked to me about the same thing. I nodded. My hands were sweating, my mind was going crazy with thoughts, and my guts were so twisted I could hardly feel them anymore. He asked me what I thought and I told him I was just really nervous. He pulled me on top of him and, dodging a kiss, I laid my head on his stomach. He started pressuring me a little, and I sat back up and just told him no. He didn't let go of my hand.
Now, before you start thinking this is some sort of rape story, it isn't. Nothing happened. He knows I have absolutely no experience in doing anything of sexual nature, and I reminded him of that fact. I also threw in that I was worried about doing something wrong and embarrassing myself. He was silent for a minute, but did indeed stop pressuring me and the subject changed to something a bit more serious. But that's for another entry.
Anyway, the point of this story is my problem with... err, getting physical. Even kissing someone, just on the lips, makes me so nervous that I feel like throwing up. I've only ever kissed one person--the same guy in this story--and that was, what, five or six times? It never got any easier. Somehow I managed to doge kissing him for months.
I feel like I'm going to be alone forever unless I can get over this. I mean, seriously, I'm not going to get married and remain a virgin even after! Please tell me I'm not the only one suffering from this insane nervousness. Is there anyone who had the same problem when they were my age, and got over it? Or does it never go away and I'm just doomed to live the life of the crazy cat lady?
Comments (8)
Well, first off I am a guy, so i'm on the other side of this but I had similar issues when I was 15-16 (im 19 now). I wasn't afraid of intimacy, I just got nervous very easily and it took me a bit to finally calm myself down. It's all mental really. Start by kissing him on the cheek or something, then a peck on the lips. You CANT mess those two up, its impossible no matter how good or bad of a kisser you are. Then after that, move on, you don't need to make the leap right away! As for moving past that, you may just need to find the perfect guy for that. I was lucky and found a girl who I connected to like no one I had ever dated before until we really moved onto other things. So yeah. That's my advice, I hope it's somewhat helpful!
Maybe you're just not ready. Just wait until you are 100% comfortable to do whatever it is you want to do. Don't do things just because other people tell you you're supposed to. It's your personal boundaries, not your friend's.
Nah, it's just your age. I left a better, long comment on this post (this post is featured on Datingish) that makes more sense, but everyone else agrees that it's your age, and you're not actually crazy.
its because ur too fuckin young relax and enjoy life and besides think of how u would feel when ur in ur 30s and ur 15 year old daughter was intimate with someone idk about u but id be goin to prison for murder id kill the lil bastard who too advantage of my lil girl well thats some food for thaught before u continue on with ur feelings
It simply means you're not comfortable enough to be doing those things. It's a good thing because when you will do those things, they'll actually mean more than random kisses some people give out.
wait, is this the same post as the one on the front page?
umm, how come the number of comment is different? does it become a separate post when being featured on the front page?you are not alone, and you're not crazy, and personally i don't think age has everything to do with it. its just something that people go through, i mean im 17 and i still have a problem with physical intimacy and when it comes to my attention that a guy wants to kiss me (which im quite oblivious) i freak out in my head and feel all wierd.
i'd say don't try to worry about it too much and don't do anything you don't wanna do, i've tried to just grow comfortable with not being physical with anyone, and maybe one day it'll just feel right and not bother me so much, and maybe that will happen for you, too.
and whatever your friends say don't let them make you feel like you have to be physical with someone, the people around you need to understand that you're just not like that yet.
You remind me of my and my first bf. haha
We kissed the first time after only 2 weeks, but we didn't make out for 2 months! Our friends thought we were crazy and prude. We were just comfortable taking it slow and as a result we lasted MUCH longer than the average high school couple. Almost a whole year. We didn't even break over the usual petty shit. Haha we broke up because his mother kept insulting me. But, ANYWAY. If your boyfriend isn't upset with you, I wouldn't worry about it. It's pretty normal to be nervous about kissing because at first it's hard to know exactly how it's supposed to work. Don't let pressure get at you. You should partake in physical action when you're ready. It's not all about being physical as long as you two enjoy each other. Once your feelings mature (for whoever) you'll want to kiss or at least enjoy it more. It's really not a big deal though. Nothing to be nervous about.
One thing though! better you know early what it's supposed to feel like. A friend of mine was never kissed until she was 17 and the guy was AWFUL. She doesn't know what a good kiss is like so now she never wants to kiss again. I feel pretty bad for her and feel like I was lucky. ^^
Do you have questions about kissing? What is it that makes you nervous?